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This morning I woke my kids up for school, got them fed, dressed and off to school/daycare and then went for my morning walk. I don’t wear headphones or listen to music while I take my morning walk. It’s my thinking time. My time to process, plan out the day ahead and get my creative juices flowing. This morning I had quite a bit to contemplate, you see, today is the last day of the 500 calorie & HCG pills portion of my weight loss program… now the hard part comes… Keeping the weight off.
I’m TERRIFIED…. and excited… and TERRIFIED!!!
Why am I terrified? I’ve spent the last 40 days losing 24 pounds and 27.5 inches! 24 pounds is a lot of weight. When I look in the mirror I still see myself. My face looks like me, and no one has commented on my weight loss except for people who know I was on the program. When I can really see the difference is when I’m getting dressed. My tummy is flatter, my waist line is more defined, I feel good! And I’m so scared of gaining this weight back.
I am really hard on myself when it comes to my weight. Three weeks ago I was feeling on top of the world. The scale was showing a number I hadn’t seen in over a decade, I was feeling happy about my health, my family and my marriage. I couldn’t stop grinning. A week later I had to go for an iron transfusion at the hospital. It was also Valentine’s Day and my husband and I went for dinner and I ate what I thought was an HCG appropriate meal along with a tiny treat. The next day I weighed myself and I had gained 7 pounds.
7 pounds!!! How did I gain 7 pounds???
I looked in the mirror and all I could see was a fat puffy face, a pudgy tummy and shame. I had set myself back by over a week because I had gone for dinner with my husband.
I didn’t see the girl who I saw in the mirror 2 weeks before when I weighed the same amount and was so proud of the progress I had made. I just saw a girl who had cheated and was paying for it.
Thank god for my naturopath, Dr. Allana Polo. I went to see her, talked over what happened and my weight gain, and then started crying. Allana reminded me about everything that I have accomplished physically, emotionally, mentally and professionally over the course of the 40 days. Doing this HCG program has made me re-evaluate what I’d like to focus my life on. She reminded me how huge that is.
Then she asked me “Did they give you a saline bag when they gave you your iron transfusion?”
Yes they did. Duh! Saline makes you retain water and the result was a 7 pound weight gain. I went home from my appointment, drank extra water and by the end of the week I had lost 10 pounds, the 7 I had gained plus 3 more!
The whole ordeal gave me a major wake up call about how hard I am on myself about my weight and how hard it is to let go of those feelings no matter what the scale is telling you.
I’ve decided to drop the scale for the next little while and just do weekly weigh ins to check on my progress and see if I need to adjust anything I’m doing.
I’m terrified of gaining weight back, but I’m also so thankful to have Dr. Polo continuing to support my weight loss journey along with her support group of other people who have done weight loss with her… not to mention my fellow #PoloWeightLoss bloggers.
So what do the next couple of weeks look like for me?
- A new way of eating, a mixture between clean eating/paleo/low carb… My inner foodie can’t wait to start experimenting making coconut milk & flour, almond milk & flour, coconut flour tortillas, sprouted peanut butter, tzatziki, veggie bowls and other delicious real food.
- Exercise! I am so excited to start streaming exercise classes to my tv so I can work at at home using Booya Fitness!
- Self love. This whole program has made me realize how much I need to love myself unconditionally no matter what my weight is. I have some weight related demons that I need to tackle but love conquers all!
- Food sensitivity testing. My friend Karen recently had food sensitivity testing done and I think I’m going to do it as well. If you are eating foods that your body is sensitive to, your body will react and gain weight. Food for thought.
Tomorrow I have another iron transfusion. This time I’m not going to step on the scale again afterwards, and I’m going to be much kinder to myself if I feel a bit pudgy around the middle.
Thank you to Dr. Allana Polo for helping guide me through my weight loss journey. I’m so grateful that with Dr. Polo’s program you aren’t left to fend for yourself at the end of the 40 days. Dr. Polo is there to support you through every step of the weight loss journey. You can find out more about her pound a day program here.
I’ll be back soon to let you know what kind of progress I’m making.
Tell me… Can you relate to being extra hard on yourself when you look in the mirror? Have you struggled with your weight?
Make sure you check in on the progress of the other, incredible bloggers doing the #PoloWeightLoss Challenge!