This morning I woke my kids up for school, got them fed, dressed and off to school/daycare and then went for my morning walk. I don’t wear headphones or listen to music while I take my morning walk. It’s my thinking time. My time to process, plan out the day ahead and get my creative juices flowing. This morning I had quite a bit to contemplate, you see, today is the last day of the 500 calorie & HCG pills portion of my weight loss program… now the hard part comes… Keeping the weight off.
I’m TERRIFIED…. and excited… and TERRIFIED!!!
Why am I terrified? I’ve spent the last 40 days losing 24 pounds and 27.5 inches! 24 pounds is a lot of weight. When I look in the mirror I still see myself. My face looks like me, and no one has commented on my weight loss except for people who know I was on the program. When I can really see the difference is when I’m getting dressed. My tummy is flatter, my waist line is more defined, I feel good! And I’m so scared of gaining this weight back.
I am really hard on myself when it comes to my weight. Three weeks ago I was feeling on top of the world. The scale was showing a number I hadn’t seen in over a decade, I was feeling happy about my health, my family and my marriage. I couldn’t stop grinning. A week later I had to go for an iron transfusion at the hospital. It was also Valentine’s Day and my husband and I went for dinner and I ate what I thought was an HCG appropriate meal along with a tiny treat. The next day I weighed myself and I had gained 7 pounds.
7 pounds!!! How did I gain 7 pounds???
I looked in the mirror and all I could see was a fat puffy face, a pudgy tummy and shame. I had set myself back by over a week because I had gone for dinner with my husband.
I didn’t see the girl who I saw in the mirror 2 weeks before when I weighed the same amount and was so proud of the progress I had made. I just saw a girl who had cheated and was paying for it.
Thank god for my naturopath, Dr. Allana Polo. I went to see her, talked over what happened and my weight gain, and then started crying. Allana reminded me about everything that I have accomplished physically, emotionally, mentally and professionally over the course of the 40 days. Doing this HCG program has made me re-evaluate what I’d like to focus my life on. She reminded me how huge that is.
Then she asked me “Did they give you a saline bag when they gave you your iron transfusion?”
Yes they did. Duh! Saline makes you retain water and the result was a 7 pound weight gain. I went home from my appointment, drank extra water and by the end of the week I had lost 10 pounds, the 7 I had gained plus 3 more!
The whole ordeal gave me a major wake up call about how hard I am on myself about my weight and how hard it is to let go of those feelings no matter what the scale is telling you.
I’ve decided to drop the scale for the next little while and just do weekly weigh ins to check on my progress and see if I need to adjust anything I’m doing.
I’m terrified of gaining weight back, but I’m also so thankful to have Dr. Polo continuing to support my weight loss journey along with her support group of other people who have done weight loss with her… not to mention my fellow #PoloWeightLoss bloggers.
So what do the next couple of weeks look like for me?
- A new way of eating, a mixture between clean eating/paleo/low carb… My inner foodie can’t wait to start experimenting making coconut milk & flour, almond milk & flour, coconut flour tortillas, sprouted peanut butter, tzatziki, veggie bowls and other delicious real food.
- Exercise! I am so excited to start streaming exercise classes to my tv so I can work at at home using Booya Fitness!
- Self love. This whole program has made me realize how much I need to love myself unconditionally no matter what my weight is. I have some weight related demons that I need to tackle but love conquers all!
- Food sensitivity testing. My friend Karen recently had food sensitivity testing done and I think I’m going to do it as well. If you are eating foods that your body is sensitive to, your body will react and gain weight. Food for thought.
Tomorrow I have another iron transfusion. This time I’m not going to step on the scale again afterwards, and I’m going to be much kinder to myself if I feel a bit pudgy around the middle.
Thank you to Dr. Allana Polo for helping guide me through my weight loss journey. I’m so grateful that with Dr. Polo’s program you aren’t left to fend for yourself at the end of the 40 days. Dr. Polo is there to support you through every step of the weight loss journey. You can find out more about her pound a day program here.
I’ll be back soon to let you know what kind of progress I’m making.
Tell me… Can you relate to being extra hard on yourself when you look in the mirror? Have you struggled with your weight?
Make sure you check in on the progress of the other, incredible bloggers doing the #PoloWeightLoss Challenge!
Nicole About Town says
I am so proud of you Crystal! You look fabulous, and best of all, you have a new outlook on life and a plan on what to do next.
I myself will be starting my own weighloss program on Sunday, and I am equal parts terrified and excited!
Thank you so much. You are too sweet. Cheering you on as you start your weight loss journey as well!
Wow! Congrats! What an accomplishment! Love the photos – you can really see the weight loss! Yes, I can totally relate to losing weight…then gaining a few pounds and feeling awful because I was at “x” weight – when only a month earlier I was “happy” to be at that weight. It’s terrible how our minds work sometimes! I wish you continued health and happiness, Crystal!
Thank you so much Sandy! Big hugs. I think that women can be so hard on themselves when it comes to their weight. Something that so many of us need to work on. We need to be able to identify that we are all beautiful just the way we are… but find the weight that we feel the healthiest at.
Lisa Chouinard says
I’ve been super shy about replying to your posts because I’ve been on my own weight-loss journey with Ideal Protein. I was embarrassed that I had packed on 20+ lbs in the past couple of years. I think we started our diets around the same time, too if your dinner posts on Instagram were any indication. They prompted me to get back in touch with you since SNAP last year, and I’m so glad I did! I’ve lost the same # of lbs as you, and am finally phasing off of my diet starting this week. I took a little over a week or so off of the diet during SXSW Interactive (some days I walked 12 miles) and I was away from home over 12 hours a day, most days. It set me back a little to get back into ketosis because I had to basically restart the diet. I’ll be in Phase two of my diet during SNAP, so we’ll see how this goes! Can’t wait to trade stories about your journey in person! See you soon!
angela september says
WOW in the side by side full length shots you can see such a huge difference! Congrats to you for sticking with it. Any kind of big change like that is not easy
I am just now stumbling on this over a year later so I hope you see it! I am thinking about starting the HCG protocol and wanted to see, now a year out, did you think it helped with your overall attitude towards food and fitness? Were you able to sustain the weight loss and continue to lose? You look great!
Thank you so much for your message. I was able to keep the majority of the weight off. I put on 5 pounds over the course of the year. I actually did a second round in January (this time just for myself, not to document on the site) and I lost another 20 pounds. Depending on the day, I’m down 35-40 pounds from what I was January 2105 which makes me feel really good.
I went back to school last year and received my culinary nutrition expert certification. My family and I have always eaten fairly healthy, but the program helped me look even closer at my relationship with food and what we put into our bodies.
I’m not going to say it’s been easy to keep the weight off, if I had gone back to my old ways, I’m sure I would have gained the weight back slowly over time. The HCG program is a great way to help you get closer to your ideal weight faster but from there you have to put in work to keep the weight off.
I have a history of anorexia, so the program brought up some weird emotional things for me, but I think it’s helped me get to know myself better and work through some of those emotions.
Please let me know if I answered your questions and if you have any more. I’m happy to talk to you about this publicly or privately if you prefer. My email address is email@example.com.