The kids and I had a terrible day on Sunday. All 4 of us have been sick for the past week. It was The Hubs first day back at work, I had a ton of work that I was trying to get caught up on and the kids and I still weren’t at 100% health wise.
It was an awful day full of misbehaving, fighting, timeouts, yelling and hurt feelings. When The Hubs got home he took my oldest aside to have a good firm “talking to” with her. After almost half an hour she came to apologize to me. I got down on my knees, looked her in the eyes and burst into tears.
Just as they hadn’t been at their best when it came to behaving, I had far from my best day as a parent. All I want is to be a good mama to them, but sometimes it so hard.
Monday morning, after I got the kids off to school and daycare I opened my email. I had a message from a PR rep that I love that contained a video that brought me once again to tears. It also gave me an epiphany moment that I wish I had on Sunday. (You can see the video for yourself at the bottom of this post).
My children were trying to tell me something. They were trying to tell me that they are kids and that they want there mom. Looking back at Sunday, there wasn’t 1 time that I was 100% focused on them all day long and I am so ashamed of that.
- When we normally have morning cuddle time, I had my laptop in bed and was putting the finishing touches on a blog post.
- When I was making them breakfast I was mentally creating my checklist for the day.
- When they were eating breakfast I was unloading the dishwasher.
- When they were engaged in imaginative play in the playroom I was working on a developing a DIY project I had to get done for a freelance article I was writing.
- When Turtle was supposed to be napping we were at the grocery store trying to buy food for the week!
No wonder my kids were poking holes in the packaging on the red snapper at the grocery store and imagining my light reflector was a trampoline and jumping on it–
THEY WANTED THEIR MOMMY’S 100% ATTENTION AND THE ONLY TIME THEY WERE GETTING IT WAS WHEN I WAS YELLING AT THEM!
The thought makes me feel like a terrible mother and like I definitely am not living up to the “Quality” intention that I set for 2015. It’s just so frustrating when you have so much to do and so little time.
Here’s the thing that I need to remember: There is so little time not just to get everything done, but of them being kids! How much longer do I have where the 2 of them kids squabble over who is laying next to me in bed in the morning because they think that person gets the best cuddles? Do I have days, weeks, months, years left of Bean wanting to hold my hand when I walk her to class in the morning? When will that look of wonder and pure imagination disappear from their faces as they play with their favorite toys.
Time is too short my friends. We have too little time of our babies being babies. This video was the perfect wakeup call that I needed. Just like I set priorities with business I need to set priorities about spending quality times with my kids, because sometimes it doesn’t just schedule in naturally.
My sweet and beautiful children:
I remember the first time I looked into each of your eyes and the instant connection we had. That feeling of “Hey! I know you.”
You are growing up so fast. Sometimes I wish that I could press pause and spend more time revelling in your littleness… because there will never be enough time. Life has no pause button so I need to remind myself constantly to be present, make time for you and enjoy every second of it.
Spending time with you on our tummies in the playroom playing with “guy guys” or helping Barbie run her pet shelter is every bit and more important than the other tasks my mind gravitates towards.
For both of you, I need to make more time.
Bean, my sweet, I blinked and you were in kindergarten and now in grade 1. Where did that baby with a mohawk, pudgy cheek and mischievous grin go? You’re reading and writing and taking in more than I know! I love how your creative play always involves animals. It shows me your caring nature and gives me a glimpse into what you might chose to do with your life when you grow up!
Turtle, my love, you came to me when I needed you most. You are 100% boy, constantly on the go, go, go. Running, jumping, climbing, shooting imaginary spiderwebs from your perfectly posed hands. Making noises of firetrucks, police cars and airplanes as you imagine how with the help of your Guy-Guys your going to defeat imaginary foes.
Childhood is fleeting. I apologize for not doing a better job of taking it all in. Just as you both are working on listening and making good decisions, I’m going to work hard on being the best mommy that I can be to both of you.
I want to play with you like Nana does… 100% present, no distractions, revelling in you!
You are from me, you are a part of me, and you are always in my heart.
I love you,
Watch the video that gave me my “ah ha” moment here:
Tell me… Can you relate? How have you found the time to spend enough quality time with your kids without life getting in the way?
Disclosure: Fisher Price asked me to write a post for them about playing with my kids. I had a completely different post in mind than the one that poured from my heart after watching their #FPMakeTimeToPlay video. I confessed to Fisher Price that the video had evoked feelings that took me in a completely different direction than the original intent of our agreement. Thank you to Fisher Price for supporting me and encouraging me to share this story with my readers. All thoughts and opinions are 100% my own.
mother your business says
oh my gad. that video is gorgeous and very inspiring…. (tears everywhere).
Right??? I can’t even hear the music now without crying!
Paula schuck says
Crystal this is a beautiful post thank you for sharing. We all have those days. Kids are little for such a short time. It is really important to remember that. My girls are 13 and 10 now and luckily they still want to spend time with me when I carve out the time for us to do girly things or family things. This is also why we travel so I can shut it all down and just play and be present.
Thank you so much for your comment Paula. I really appreciate it. I’m so happy to hear that I’m not the only one who has been there.
linda spiker says
Been there, done that! Being a mama is hard. We all have bad days. I am sure you helped a lot of parents by admitting it!
Megan Stevens says
Lovely post and the photo of you with the kids speaks volumes, so precious!!! <3
I have totally been there – I get it.
Thank you so much for sharing your ‘bad’ moment with us. Parenting is indeed the hardest job in the world!
Emily @ Recipes to Nourish says
Mommyhood is hard sometimes, I think we have all been there. I always makes sure to tell my little one that mommy makes mistakes too and to really focus on things through her eyes.
How sweet. I didn’t even watch the video. I live this every day with my Ice princess. It’s my time to be a mommy and I love knowing that she wants me to be there for her. I cherish every moment I get with her because she will grow up. It’s heart breaking but it’s true, she’ll one day then decide that she is too big for cuddles and too grown for her mommy. I’m soaking mine in until I’m no longer wanted in that capacity. This was a beautiful post and I could relate with time and never enough of it. And how as a parent we think we got the important things to handle but the most important thing is time and ensuring that the time spent with our children is quality not the quantity. I’m not a perfect mother, but we all have our off moments and I have been guilty of that as well. If we can’t admit that we are not perfect, then there’s something wrong.
Well I watched it.. very sweet and pulls on the heart strings
This is a wonderful post and the media was beautiful!